pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
