Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
