Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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