come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
