You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sorry about my life...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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