I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
