too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize