I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
