Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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