I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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