As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
