I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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