i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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