Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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