If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
