I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
