After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
