For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
