So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
