We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
