I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize