i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
