I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
