mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
