I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
