Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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