You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
