butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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