The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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