do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
