Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
