Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
