Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
