a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
