you told grandpa to call you daddy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
