Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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