ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
