Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
