Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize