i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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