My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
