i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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