I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
