Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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