3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
