??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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