Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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