Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
