Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
