brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
