her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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