And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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