i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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