had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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