You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
