and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
