Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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