Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
