i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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