69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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