I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
